We [Fraction and his wife, Kelly Sue DeConnick] were pregnant at the time, and while I was out there I started to realize that if I had a daughter, there would come a day when I would have to apologize to her for my profession. I would have to apologize for the way it treats and speaks to women readers, and the way it treats its female characters.
I knew that if we had a daughter, because I know my wife and I know the kind of girl she wants to raise and I know the kind of girl I want to raise, she was going to look at what I did for a living and want to know how the fuck I could stomach it. How could I sell her out like that?” Fraction continued. “That conversation is still coming, and I’m bracing for it in the way that some dads brace for their daughter’s first date or boyfriend. I became acutely aware that I had sort of done that thing that lots of privileged hetero cisgendered white dudes do. ‘I’m cool with women, and that’s enough.’ It’s not enough. It’s embarrassing to say, because we somehow have attached shame to learning and evolving our opinions, culturally, but I became aware that there was a deficiency of and to women in my work, and all I could do at that moment was take care of my side of the street.
Writer Matt Fraction on his role on expanding the profile of female characters in the Marvel Universe. (via goodmanw)
Yes, this. And with the recent Mike Daisey kerfuffle, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about “taking care of my side of the street” as a very useful guideline for male creators.
I’ve also got the Trinity Syndrome article bookmarked for frequent reminders.
Anonymous said: do you have any tips on how to love yourself? Im trying but its hard for me. thank you
This is something that’s difficult to articulate. Loving yourself is not something that can be done with a snap of the fingers- it took me a good, long while to even recognize that I mightevenbe worthy love, let alone actually putting that concept ‘into action’
I hope this advice helps, anon. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though. Learning to love yourself is an ongoing journey. It’s never perfect, and sometimes you feel like you’re going backwards instead of forwards, but every little step counts.
- Recognize that, by virtue of living, you matter. That’s it. We’re taught to qualify our own existences, and fill a prerequisite of certain accomplishments before we’re worthy of anything. And that is a bullshit lie. You are alive, and you already matter. You deserve to have all of your basic needs (which includes things like interaction, love, and acceptance, in addition to what we typically think of as ‘basic needs’) met.
- Don’t try to outweigh your ‘faults’ with accomplishments. This closely relates to the previous point. We’re taught that, if we are ‘flawed’ (more often than not, these ‘flaws’ are inconsequential, and purely based on superficial societal attitudes), then we need to ‘make up for it’ in some other way. For instance: I have been fat my entire life. I was made to believe that this lowered my worth as a person, and so to ‘make up for it’, I had to excel in everything else. I had to be the best at whatever I did. I had to be smarter, kinder, more talented, more stylish, more everything, if I was to just break even, and deserve to live and not be treated too horribly. And that’s not a game you can ever win. The best thing to do is acknowledge that you are not a score sheet. You are not a pros-and-cons list. You are human, and no amount of reductive reasoning can begin to describe or quantify that.
- Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for that one time in kindergarten when you peed yourself in class. Forgive yourself for your cringe-worthy seventh grade yearbook photo. Forgive yourself for calling in sick to work on a day when you just couldn’t bring yourself to get up. Forgive yourself for saying ‘you too’ when someone wished you happy birthday. Forgive yourself for not always being happy. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened in your life that has caused you to talk down to yourself. Take every moment that made you think ‘I’m so st*pid- why did I say that? I’m such a screw-up. I’m hopeless, worthless’ and release it. You have been your own toughest critic your entire life, so now, let that role go, and become your own fiercest friend instead.
- Practice love. It’s extremely difficult to love yourself, but love for other people and other things comes far more easily. Start there. If you cannot love yourself, begin to build up your love for others. And this doesn’t mean forcing yourself to love people who do wrong, who hurt you. Just take what or whom you are appreciative for and expand upon that. The weather is beautiful, and the flowers look so vibrant. Love that. Your cat just climbed up onto your bed to take a nap next to you. Love them. Your friend sends you a funny text. Love them. Love is inseparable from gratitude and appreciation, so the next time you feel thankful for something, or the next time you stand in awe of something, remember to offer up some love. Then, when you feel you can, slip in some love directed towards yourself.
- Fake it until you make it. Now, I’m not really a proponent of being un-genuine, but this is something that has worked for me. When I was first introduced to the idea that i could love myself, I was sixteen. I couldn’t stand myself. I felt worthless, disgusting, barely human. But I started saying that I loved myself. When I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was staring at a million and one faults, but I still said I loved myself. I would struggle, but I’d find one thing I actually liked about myself, and I would compliment myself for it. And for a while, I felt like I was lying to myself. But after some time, I realized I did not have to force wanting to talk gently to myself, or to compliment myself. I was no longer trying to put my love on hold until I changed myself in one way or another. I could laugh at myself in joy, instead of self-deprecation. I could be happy by myself, or around others. I felt comfortable. And this was not a change that happened overnight- It took years of little steps, of setbacks. But one day, I finally realized that everything I was saying and doing was what I truly felt. I love myself. I am in love with myself. And that love has carried over into every single part of my life, changing everything for the better.
Reblog if you are a woman who is offended by the lyrics in Blurred Lines
I will be writing a sociological research paper about the effects of the lyrics in Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.
Please reblog this if you are a female who finds the lyrics of this song offensive or upsetting.